She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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