Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
