It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
