The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
