Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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