Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
