just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
