It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
