He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's paint friendship bongs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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