I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
