Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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