I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
