Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
