This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize