I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
