saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
