she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
