The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
