Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
