My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
