Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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