After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
