i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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