my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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