It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
