DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
