what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
