That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
