I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
