if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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