Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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