i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The air taste purple.
Randomize
