I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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