She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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