I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize