im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
