Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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