i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
