Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
