____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
