it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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