i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
