im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
