Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
