I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize