she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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