I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
