a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
