you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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