i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
