I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
