put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
