I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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