I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
