im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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