Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
