I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
