Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
