people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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