Do you still have your period?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize