I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
