i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
