the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
