God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
