My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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