I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
