the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We left an ass print on the piano.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
