...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
