I am puke
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
