I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
