I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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