i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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