3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
