Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
