the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
