Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
