some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
