Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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