i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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